Arm Candy Records is dedicated to the advancement of people in a continuous bad mood. We have created an advanced placement course called Creative Anger Management. Our Self Help tutorial will guide you through those tough times, such as someone splashing mudwater on you from a puddle on the street! Minor moments in life that require true reflections.
Classes now enrolling!
Doctor's Note
Hire Gorilla to change water in the cooler!
Next Class is sponsored by the Sharon Osbourne Bobblehead!
Take a deep breath and go to the grocery store.
Find an eggplant (turnip or squash works well too) carve in a lovingly manner to look like the Sharon Osbourne Bobblehead!
please remember to leave room for a tea light this is obviously an advanced class
I- Tude of the Day!
Nevermind That!~ it's a little green alien!
I don't care what it looks like!
What the F___ do you think it is!
Class #1:
When at Fast Food establishment ask politely for a Ketchup packet? "May I please have a Ketchup Packet"?(simple enough)
Look at Ketchup packet and gently tear at the tear here location! take a deep breath
Squeeze!
apply generously, mustard packet may be required
If Ketchup is on the food then you passed our first Creative Anger Management class! If not go back to the top and try again
Congratulations!
Arm Candy Records is not resposible for the contents of the Ketchup, or where the Ketchup ends up.
Class #2
Go to local Hardware store! Visit Chain section. Locate the thickest chain in the store! Buy the whole roll, you know the one ( the one that's the size of the spinsters you see on tow trucks leaving construction site) and then buy all the other chains in the store. After you are one there visit the other Hardware stores in town and buy the rest of the chains. then buy some more on Ebay. Wrap it around everything I own. Place a new lock on it.
Place a tiny NO Trespassing sign on new locks.
Inform person that berated and insulted you that they are no longer allowed on the property.
signed - Walt Disney! (use fictitious name so no one knows it's you)
Ketchup will not correct this and there is not enough mayonaise in the world.
